Too Bad

There's a condition that Catholics call "scrupulosity," referred to by Mark Lowery, the chairman of the Theology Department at the University of Dallas, as "the occupational hazard of the Catholic moral life." As described by Lowery, "[t]he scrupulous person is anxious that he has committed a sin when in fact he has not or is convinced that his venial sins are mortal when they are not." While Lowery engages in a more wide-ranging discussion of the different types, causes and cures for this condition, his observations about the role of pride as a cause of this condition are, to me at least, the most meaningful.

In fact, the scrupulous person often has a feigned humility. It may look like the real thing, but it’s not.

[...]

Perhaps the best antidote to scrupulosity is the awareness that God’s grace is not easily dislodged by our sinful actions, much less by our smaller imperfections. If we think we can easily lose so great a gift, we are guilty of undue pride, which often masks itself as humility: "I am a horrible sinner and incapable of God’s love." That is a false humility by which we make ourselves more powerful than we really are and minimize the sovereign power of God and his gift of grace. Our venial sins are no match for God’s grace. It is true that, with the gift of freedom, we do have the power to sin mortally and dislodge God’s grace, but scrupulous people need not be reminded of that.

I recognize this fault in myself, especially when I reflect upon the ingrained bad habits and ways of thinking developed over a life spent mostly without a serious religious faith. When I returned to the Church after a mere 40+ year absence, I had the idea that I was such a "bad-ass" that I might be beyond redemption, or if capable of being forgiven, I was not the "type" that was capable of remaining long under God's grace. While the latter might eventually prove to be true (and a smug self-satisfaction with one's sanctity is the flip side of the sin of pride), it will prove so only if I will it to be so. God's grace is powerful and, if you can, by an act of your free will, step out of your own way and permit it free reign, it will transform you and continue to do so.

As to being too bad to be redeemed, that is a silly form of self-deception, an almost pathetic delusion. St. Paul, whose works are one of the primary reasons that this flawed blogging gentile is today a Christian, was, as far as Christians were concerned prior to his conversion, one of the baddest of the bad-asses.

Paul was Jewish, of the tribe of Benjamin. He studied under the famous rabbi Gamaliel and became a devout Pharisee. He was very zealous for the Jewish law and, consequently a natural opponent of Christianity. Unlike some of the Jewish leaders, he was not content just to ignore Christianity, but actively persecuted the faithful. Paul was even present at the stoning of Stephen, who was the Church's first martyr. We are told that it had Paul's approval. Not exactly a Christian hero.

No, not exactly a hero. Compared to him (and so many others), I was a weak sister of a bad-ass, a bad-ass pretender of the most laughable kind. God transformed Paul through the operation of divine grace into the leading Christian evangelist to the gentiles, a seminal theologian of Christianity, and a martyr to the faith. He can make mincemeat out of lesser character flaws like mine and turn them to His purpose, and to think otherwise is not only scrupulosity run wild, it's a fatal form of hubris.

Comments

[Steph]

Isn't it interesting how - when we become consumed with ourselves - how we find hubris and unhealthy levels of egotism in the most unlikely of places?

[Josephson]

That's why I think that we may be closer to God when we are entranced by a moment of unself-conscious love for another, without the realization that it is me loving another, than many of us are in our normal prayers of petition, when we ask God for something. A mother's unconscious thoughts and feelings as she gazes upon her sleeping child, for example. When I finally learn to pray correctly, and adore God as I should, when I finally learn to "lose myself," perhaps I'll experience a bit of that closeness.

[Steven]

I happened upon your blog whilst searching for the history of the "Water is Wide" song. I have enjoyed reading your postings. Your site has been bookmarked. Keep posting those great songs after your writing too.

[Kevin]

I'm glad you found something here you like, Steven.